I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
is that a dick in a sweater?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
