how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have feelings that need drinking.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
