I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
