i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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