You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
