I'm jealous of your bromance
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
