I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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