I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
