capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
