i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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