Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
