My first STD was from a foam party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
