Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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