God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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