i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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