Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize