Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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