watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
