so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize