I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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