I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
