Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize