he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
