Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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