I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
