Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
