I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This house was built for laser tag.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
