he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
