if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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