She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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