Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
