You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
