Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
