I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
