I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
