I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
