you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
