My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
