I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize