Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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