New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
