im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
