He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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