So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize