My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
