YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
