Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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