I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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