walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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