If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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