If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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