I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
