they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
