he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
