i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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