you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
