The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize