xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
