Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
