He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
