I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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