She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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