I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
