Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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