wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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