You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
