Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize