I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
