We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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