WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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