and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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