I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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