It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
