The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
