Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
