well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
