was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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