Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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