He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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