last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
