I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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