I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Green mimosas i think yes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
