2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
