im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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