I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
