either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
