This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
