There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
