So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
