He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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