you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
