I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
