Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize