I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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