i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
