Kiss
Puke
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
