absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
