He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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