Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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