maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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