I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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