I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
